Nobody ever goes into a marriage with a plan of it failing, at least I didn’t. My name is Nana khadija, I am from Katsina state and this is my Divorce Diary.
I met my ex at a wedding, as a friend of the bride and he was the father of the day, he was the person that was called upon to give the bride and groom marriage advice on that day. You see I had met him earlier that day when my friends made our way from Gwagwalada to Bauchi for the wedding, four of us chartered a taxi to take us to Bauchi but our car had broken down on the way just a few kilometers to Kaduna and while we waited this Lexus jeep stopped just by the car, the person at the back sit wined down and asked the driver what happened while we stood there looking lost, he came down after a while, seeing that he was elderly we all greeted him while he made his way to the hood of the car, he spoke to the taxi driver briefly then came back to us, he said our top gasket had blown and we should join him since we were going to Bauchi. We all entered the back while he sat in front with his driver. We introduced ourselves as we went along and I couldn’t help but notice how he smelt, how he spoke and how very good looking he was although he was my father’s mate.
Fast forward to the dinner event, Alhaji Murtala who was a close friend of the father of the groom was honored as the father of the day and was asked to give some advice, that was when I really notice how distinguished he looked, he stood out among his peers, he was soft spoken, tall slim and good looking despite his age. I was so curious as to who he was that I started googling him immediately his full name was called and what I saw on his linked in profile even attracted me some more, this is the type of man I would like to marry, I thought to myself the only problem was he was married with 4 kids. As the evening went on I tried to look for a way to get close to him because I had heard him on the phone earlier saying after the dinner and daurin Aure the next morning he was headed for Kano.
I didn’t get any opportunity to talk to him and even though I got his hotel room number I wasn’t familiar with Bauchi and I didn’t think it would be a good idea to follow him, he seemed like a reserved guy, I liked that.
Unfortunately I never got to make an impression on Alhaji Murtala at the wedding, I wasn’t happy because I had missed a good opportunity but I still followed up on him on social media the more I saw the more I was determined to meet him. I got to find out he was architect and he had a firm in Abuja, that was a starting point as I was an estate management student and I was just about to go SIWES that semester, I write a formal application to their office and submitted the first chance I got and as faith will have it the office accept my application. I was so excited, we had a short break before the SIWES and I stayed in Abuja and started a month early although the HR lady had told me I was to start a month later.
I wasn’t happy the first day I resumed work when I found out “oga Murtala” was not on sit but I waited patiently while I got acquainted to the office and staff. When he finally got back I had heard even more about his personality and had figured out how to get close to him. At first I tried to just introduce myself and try to get to know him but Murtala wasn’t too friendly like other men, so I tried every other way to get his attention and at the end I finally did. Our relationship started like that of a father and daughter but eventually became that of lovers and finally we got to the part where we got married.
I was finally able to fulfill my goal and I was happy but what I never took into thought was his wife. After the wedding I was taken to meet my co-wife and as usual my family made a long speech and said I was her responsibility “GA ta mun baki Amana” they said, Hajia Jummai who was sitting on a three sitter couch with her family and friends didn’t give the normal answer of “na Karba”, instead she was shaking her leg fervently and just said, they repeated again “ga Amana mun baki”, silence, again “ha Amana mun baki” , there was an awkward silence then my other aunt immediately said “Allah Ya baki ikon riqewa” and the all shouted “Amin”. Hajia Jummai hissed in reply and got up and walked away, my aunts and I were all shocked,and this meant trouble for me, luckily we had different buildings although it was in the same compound, I was taken to my apartment and as usual told to be patient, she is clearly still in pain so just take it easy.
I was already worried about her reaction and I started thinking of what I should do to get her out of this house. The tradition of Mr. M’s house every morning was everybody prayed subhi at his palour with his teenage kids and wife, and he made it clear that I had to join this prayer time but I tried to show him I was still not familiar with his family and wanted to wait till I was used to them but he refused to listen, he insisted join us tomorrow no excuses so I made an effort to come out at subhi but I found that all the doors leading to my husband’s apartment were locked from the inside, I tried all the doors then the windows but all was locked, I tried and all I could do was hear them pray inside, I went back to my place and waited till the morning to explain, that explanation didn’t happen because my husband just ignored my calls and texts, I was amazed that he just assumed I didn’t come when the doors had been locked, the next morning I tried to come out again bimut this time around My backdoor and front door was locked and I couldn’t come out, I was now wondering what game this woman was playing at.
I knew Mr. M took his family traditions very seriously but surely he could see this was sabotage. This was a small misunderstanding and I eventually cleared it up, but little sabotage like this became the other of the day, my co_wife gave my husband the idea that she was OK with me and behind him she sabotaged me, she told lies and manipulated both him and me
, there was this occasion that I wanted to attend a dinner party and my husband wasn’t really willing to allow me because Hajia Jummai made it look like I wasn’t dressing appropriately and I went around flirting with young men and when he finally allowed me to attend he asked his daughter 13 year old Hanan to accompany me, we got ready and went to the event with Hanan but somehow I didn’t notice when this girl sneaked out, I was busy dancing and having fun, by the time I noticed she wasn’t around I looked and looked for her out of worry until it was late, then one of the brides little sisters told me Hanan’s older brother had come to take her home because she was sleepy, you can imagine what story her mother cooked up, my husband was very upset with me, I stayed at the wedding late and wasn’t aware his daughter’s asthma attack happened because I was busy dancing if not for the fact that one of the brides aunt who took her her Hanan would have died, “this woman cried and cried as if I slaughtered her daughter, saying please next time he should allow me to do what I want Cleary I don’t like following instructions” dama yammatan zaamani Ina ruwansu”, I really felt like applauding this woman as she sat next to her husband in his livingroom while I stood there looking dumbfounded.
The worst part of all this drama was my husband swallowed all her stories hook line and sinker. I thought I knew how to manipulate people and her my way but I now realized I knew nothing. For a year woman would pretend to like me and be concerned about me whenever our husband was around then switch immediately he leaves and she was never caught, apart from the sabotage, I started finding some weird fetish things inside and around my house, I once accused Hanan of putting something in my food, I believed the mother wanted to poison me, I even collected the brown paper in her hand as I beat the girl then went straight to my husband, he wasn’t happy I beat his only daughter but wanted to know what the commotion was about, “yar ka zata kasheni” I shouted, I have been suspecting her for awhile now and today I caught her read handed, he now asked Hanan what she was doing as she stood there crying, he asked me to give him the powdered concoction inside my food, he opened it and looked for awhile and said this is rosemary leaves, by then Hanan had calmed down and then said picked rosemary from her father’s garden and was putting it in my meals for the past week because she heard it helped with nausea and I also once told her I loved the food she made with it, “I just wanted her to feel better” she said crying, I felt like I had been bathed with chilled water from the fridge, I was historical, shouting, beating her and calling her names, there was a long silence before I quietly mumbled an apology and walked away.
I knew that their mother was putting these kids up to this but I had no evidence, sometimes she would even dangle a bait at me and I will catch it thinking I have finally caught her but I had not. This was very frustrating and the fights it caused between us was worse with time, I began to resent him, I was always angry and could see he trusted his family more than he trusted me. When I went home to have my baby was when my marriage finally crashed, somehow this woman painted a different picture of me to my husband, she used lies and different tricks to manipulate me to an extent that both he and I were no longer interested in the marriage although looking back now I know I would have tried harder. The last straw was when she accused me of witchcraft, she claimed after I visited her apartment she started having weird dreams, seeing me and my mother in her dreams she would scream and act as if she was possessed then after awhile she passed it on to her daughter, this was even worse because the even got a Mallam to claim I took her hair and some cloths of hers and buried it somewhere, they claimed I was trying to kill her, that I was always chasing her in her dreams, she would scream and call my name while she “slept” all this while I had gone home to have my baby and the day I managed to come and see how she was faring she so convincingly acted like an prey cornered by a lion, I was so shocked and although I knew it was fake even I felt sorry for her.
My marriage was a sad experience because although I had married her husband I had no intention of causing her any harm. I did want a lavish life, I wanted a fairy tale and I didn’t put his family into consideration but the reality of the situation would have been enough to wake me up from my dream.