Love is a beautiful thing when done right but is there a particular way that love should be done? As we all know humans are different in their looks, their thoughts, their walk, their beliefs and pretty much everything else. There are so many factors that make us who we are and some of these factors may come from nature i.e. how we were born or nurture i.e. our environment and all these factors come together and shape who we become in the future. And who we are determines how we love and how we want to be loved.
Love as we know is a very broad term and covers our different relationships from family relationships, friendships to romantic relationships. And in order to love and be loved properly you first need to understand your love language. What is it that makes you tick? What puts you off? What is the best way to make sure you fall in love and stay there? Sometimes it is not that we don’t love others or we are not being loved, but it is that we are being loved in the ways we don’t want to be or ways that do not speak to our souls.
Humans are different and understanding this fact is important. In order to love your loved ones properly, you first have to understand them and understand yourself and learn to accept the differences. And most times, we tend to give love in the ways we want to accept it from our loved ones.
Gray Chapman has revealed five love languages and according to him all human beings speak with one of these five love languages. These languages include:
Quality time here refers to giving your undivided time and attention to your partner. And that is you don’t allow anything such as TV or cell phones to get in the way of the time you want to spend with your partner. This however does not mean one shouldn’t have hobbies or watch movies or do things with their phones , but it means that at least once a day , you put time aside that is reserved for you or your partner alone to share meaningful activities such as cooking together , making love or creating something you both enjoy .
For instance, if your love language is quality time, you may hate it when you are sitting with your partner and they are only focused on their phones or doing individual tasks without putting your feelings or the need to do something together into consideration. That is not to say that you must do everything together , however , they should be time reserved for you and your partner alone without interference by a third party . It can even be just sitting together and enjoying a movie you both chose or playing a game of chess or scrabble.
If you notice that this is your partner’s love language, you should try your best to do that. And if it is yours, let your partner know how much that means to you.
2.ACTS OF SERVICE
When your love language is Acts of Service, then you definitely love it when your partner eases your responsibilities by going out of their way to make life convenient for you. Acts of service may include making you breakfast in bed, doing the cleaning because you are too exhausted to do it, watering your plants, making you a cup of tea while you are working or studying etc
Acts of service shows that your partner cares for you and your comfort and is willing to go the extra mile to make your life easier and it doesn’t have to be something major and life changing. If your love language is Acts of service, let your partner know the little they can do to make your life easier and if your partner’s love language is acts of service, try your best to go the extra mile for them.
3.GIFT GIVING / RECEIVING
If your love language is gift giving then you definitely appreciates giving and receiving gifts from your partner. That however does not mean that you are greedy or materialistic but rather it shows how much you love it when your partner gives you things to show how much they care for or are thinking of you.
Someone picking up flowers on their way back from work will show you how much they love care and think about you. Another example is someone getting you a new mug when your old one breaks or getting you the new shoes you have always wanted to buy.
The gift doesn’t have to be something big or expensive to be meaningful or valuable to you.
4.WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
Words of affirmation here mean that you need to not just see the acts being done but you need to hear it too in order to know that you are being loved. That means if your love language is words of affirmation, you will need to hear your partner tell you they love you or care about you often. You will also need them to compliment you and tell you how proud they are of you when you do things.
For instance, your partner telling you how beautiful you look in your new dress may mean more to you than them doing the dishes. Even a simple I appreciate you or thank you can go a long way for someone whose love language is words of affirmation.
Some people live for the physical touch and if that is your love language you may prefer things like holding hands, warm hugs, affection touch on the back or arms, kisses and any other form of physical touch to anything else.
Communication tends to be more expressive and understood by people whose love language is physical touch when it involves physical interaction. For instance, they may choose cuddling on the couch over you buying them a gift or telling them they look pretty.
One thing you have to understand about love languages is just because your main love language is one thing does not exclude all the other things. That is, you can prefer acts of service and still need other love languages depending on the situation. And most importantly in your desire to be loved and understood, do not forget to understand and also speak the love languages of the people you want to love.
By Hauwa Saleh