DIVORCE DIARIES SEASON 6 EPISODE 9: SAFEEYAH’S STORY

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My name is Safeeya Mohammed I am from Taraba state and this is my divorce diary.

I was born  and brought up in Gombe state,I have 7 siblings and although my father did his best to provide for us life was still hard and that was why when Umar asked for my hand in marriage my parents were in a hurry to accept.

I had known Umar because they used to live in our neighborhood when we were younger until they moved to Kaduna,although he was far older than me I remember my two older sister’s and the teenage girl’s in the area crushing on him.They would gossip about how talk and handsome he was and how well he dressed ,some girls even tried to get his attention.

Years went by and Umar settled down got married  and so did the girls that crushed on him but from time to time my father will mention his father’s name or my mother will run into the mother in a market or so until I also had a run-in with Umar.I can’t tell you exactly where Umar saw me but  he saw me and as they say “ the rest was history”.

I will not forget the day my mother called me and told me that I was going to have a visitor that evening,apparently Umar already spoke with my older brother who was also a friend of a friend that he was interested in me.My mother excitedly told me “Umar fari” that used live in this neighborhood has spoken to him about her.It took me a while to even recall him but when I did she now continued to tell me how he was divorced because”baiyi sa’an mata ba”, he had divorced her recently this was the same people whose love story was like that in the movies, he loved her despite his and her parents against it.

From the stories I heard he was quite a lover boy and everyone taught their love story was going to be till death alas it was not to be. My own story with him started when he reached out to my parents and expressed his interest in marrying me they were so excited saying he was from a good family but unfortunately that excited didn’t reach me, I knew he was a “good” man from a good background but I didn’t like him from the first time we met, I didn’t like his approach or his looks,but I tried to look pass that so for about a month I entertained him, he comes once or twice a week and he would talk and talk for almost an hour while I made a few comments until I finally decided this wasn’t going to work and I told him, “you are a nice guy Umar, but honestly I think we are not compatible , kayi haquri Allah Ya baka Mata ta Gari” that was it, he was in the middle of one of his boring speeches when he stood there looking at me as I walked away. 

My mum was livid when I told her what I did, she was angry at me because she felt he was a good catch but I painstakingly explained that I didn’t find him attractive and I  didn’t have any connection with him, it’s like he is speaking French and I am speaking mandarin. I further calmed her down by quoting some verses of the quran about marriage. It took days before she finally let it go but Umar didn’t seem to understand, he kept on calling me, texting and finally came back to visit the next week, I wasn’t going to go and see him but my mum said it would be rude so I went and explained again that I had no interest, hmm this guy started telling me he doesn’t agree, that he will be a good husband,professing love, that he will change anything I don’t like about him and so on. To cut this story short Umar would come to my house and I will refuse to come out, he will call and text with no response but he won’t stop,I eventually started dating another guy Hamza, Umar followed Hamza to his parents house and told him we were engaged, I became like an obsession to him.He would buy gifts, buy phone, by cloths, accessories , fruits anything he could just to impress me. 

He would follow me to school in the morning come back in the afternoon then later in the evening, he moved to area just so he is close to me.We continued this for a year until he finally wore me down, I started by allowing him to drop me and my friends at places,take my to school, he became my designated driver then he started going to greet my mum from time to time then my dad, in all honesty nothing changed on my part because I still didn’t love him. During this time I had dated different guys and it didn’t work out, then one day I woke up and I did even have anyone by then Umar who called himself”assistant-boyfriend” was the only call I got consistently, by then he got busier with work even bought me a car but I refused to collect but I still had his driver at my beck and call.

 By now my parents had made up their mind that Umar was the guy I should marry, everytime I complained of not loving him my mother will say I will learn to love him after the marriage, I didn’t have much argument apart from that because at this point  I was collecting some of his gifts, asking him to take me somewhere but I did that because there was nobody else around, I used to joke to my mum that he used charm to chase all his competition. Umar was a lover boy, he would call and text a hundred times a day, he would compose love letters, poems telling me of his affection, his love was very intense so intense that I felt bad if I didn’t respond. 

Umar and I married in 2014,after my graduation from university, I remember him saying it was the happiest day of his life, his hard work had paid off he said. We were doing well, I somehow learnt to tolerate Umar, we had a cordial relationship and he was still his loving self, sending texts every hour as if he is not coming back after work.It was after our marriage was when I found out that Umar was still married to his so called ex, he just left her in her parents house because according to him they were no longer compatible and they were constantly fighting. Another reason was their little son Khalifa whom after a year the father bought to me because I had still not able to take in , I did tried every treatment and drug that would help but nothing happened this made me worried but I still had hope since I had nothing that was really wrong with my physically. 

My relationship with Umar hadn’t really improved over the years, with all that lovey dovey I just tolerated him but I had learnt to respect him and he was hardworking and very understanding husband but things started to change when kubrah appeared in our lives. 

Kubrah was a corper that served in his company, she was a soft spoken smallish girl that I had met a few times when visiting my husband, I remember her because kubrah was my grandmother’s name plus the girl was so respectful, she would greet me courteously and ask after Khalifa whenever we met. 

I started noticing my husband being very protective of his phone, that was strange because Umar didn’t mind me answering his calls, in fact he would give Khalifa his phone to play games on it until I collected it and gave him back but now he would go everywhere with the phone including the toilet, he would jump at every text and quickly open and reply sometimes he will stay up late chatting or seek out when I have fallen asleep to chat. At first I tried to ignore this behavior until I felt it was an insult, I confronted him one evening after he had gotten home and he said it was a project he was working on,I asked who was on the other end and he called a colleague’s name. I allowed it but I started becoming curious as to who this was, one day I got a hold of his phone when Khalifa had disturbed him to let him play a game. I opened a chat, and saw who it was and that day I couldn’t sleep, I tried to play it cool saying it would pass but this went on for months, until I couldn’t take it anymore, he had started becoming more audacious, before he would seek out to the living room to chat now he would just wake up I the middle of the night, one day I mistaken opens a nude photo of this girl and I declared war. 

When I faced him he was very upset, he asked me why was I snooping thru his phone and a fight started we talked and talked for hours but he didn’t even feel guilty,he was just justifying his action, he accused me of going thru his phone to see what he was doing “I am a man and I have a right to marry 4 wives if I so wished” with that he stormed out of the house. This was 2am, I was devastated, how can Umar talk to me like this? I married him in spite of not loving him. This fight brought out another side of Umar I had never seen because after he came in the house the next day the fight continued I told him if he wanted to marry I wouldn’t stop him but he should at least tell the girl to have some respect for his wife, why would she be calling and chatting with you at 1am.

Umar started becoming withdrawn from me, he would rather come home, eat and stay in his room with his phone, sometimes he will come back home but  stay in his car for hours chatting, I was getting tired of this attitude because I realized I had opened a can of worms. I tried to make peace, tried to make his favorite dishes, tried to dress up and tried to impress him, it worked for awhile and I was happy but not for long. A new Umar had surfaced,he was mean,careless and bitter,he was always going about sulking unless if he is on the phone,everything I did was wrong and anytime I complained he would tell me I had become a nag.The more I caught his chats or calls the more daring he became

I was getting frustrated ,one day I copied this girl number and called her,I know it was a bad idea but I just wanted to make sure it was the same Kubrah that I knew,I introduced myself and said I wanted to know why she was following my husband,she laughed cruelly and said I should be asking him why he followed her.She told me that she never had any ill intention towards me but my husband had no self respect.I was speechless during this time Umar had announced to me he had been transferred to Kano state, I was surprised because he was the top engineer in Gombe and environs handling the main project but I said okay. He moved to Kano and at first he came back every week then every other  week then whenever he liked. I started complaining and we started fighting, he told me the project was time consuming, this project which I have never heard of was apparently very important. This carried on for a long while and things kept on getting worse, Umar hardly called me now and I couldn’t complain. One day I bumped into his colleague who lived down the street from us, after exchanging pleasantries I asked why he didn’t move work with his friend, he was silent for a while then he casually said “that project is a personal one”, we laughed and said our goodbyes 

This really stuck to my head so I started investigating what my husband was really up to, I remembered Jennifer his colleague that also didn’t leave too far from us, I paid her a visit and also asked about their recent projects and I was shocked to find out there was no such project, he just took a study leave just to go and stay near his girlfriend Kubrah, apparently there was rumors going round that he was even married to her.

After some more research I found out he had even bought a car for his beloved Kubrah, after I had gathered my information I decided to wait and confront him with my new found evidence. Umar came back home on a Saturday with a high fever, I had to take him to the hospital and later bought him so pills, he took the medication on getting home and slept off. 

That was how I got the opportunity to go through his phone and what I saw shook me, it turns out Umar bought a house for his beloved, a car and a business, he now lives in with her and her mother. I was shocked to find out that he has been spending all our savings on the girl and hoping she would marry him, the worst part was she wasn’t really interested in him, he would drive her around take her to the market and bring her home. He virtually lived his life for her just the way he did me and the wife before then. It was unbelievable  and although he was sick I was contemplating waking him up but I held myself. Immediately he woke up the next day I spoke to him, I was so pissed I couldn’t help but insult him, from his chats he was always following her like a little puppy looking for attention, he was telling her how rude and disrespectful his wife was, how he was lost and 

miserable especially after the girl had left after her service year, so that was why I decided to go to Bayero University ,it was pathetic. I remember him saying similar things about his ex wife to me although I didn’t encourage him.

I couldn’t believe this man that I am tolerating was saying this crap about me, he was acting as if he will die if I didn’t marry him and now I have become an enemy of progress,he seemed to only marry for the thrill because he loved the process then after a few years down the line he looks for new woman to chase. My confrontation with him didn’t go well, I told him things he would never forget and I packed my things and left. 

After a few months I heard his beloved kubrah had married a rich politician, so all the suffering was for nothing, he came back to me and apologized but honestly I have had enough of him.

I know I married Umar for the wrong reasons but I honestly wanted to stay married to him but he obviously had other plans,after kubrah has broken his heart I heard he went on to marry another lady.

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2 Comments

  1. Khadijah Umar Aminu says:

    Very heart touching

  2. Sani senior says:

    You could have investigated and fine out how he divorce the first wife before accepting to marry him, although this is one part of your story even though we never hear his parts

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