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My name is Samir Abdulazeez, I am from Gombe State and this is my survivor series.

I come from a decent family of 4 and I am the first child.  I graduated from university in 2014 with a 1st Class degree in Petroleum Chemistry. After being unemployed for 2 years, I started selling quality male footwear and materials to make ends meet.

One day, my dad asked me to drive him around because the driver was ill. I didn’t want to at first because I had to fill out a client’s order but I begged my brother to handle the order. My dad ran into an old classmate who was the General Manager of an oil company, Alhaji Idris Amin. He was excited to reconnect see my dad that he invited us for lunch on Friday.

During lunch, Alhaji Amin told my dad that he had been looking for an intern to work at his office. Apparently, he had a fall out with his old Assistant so he was looking for someone to replace him temporarily. I quickly informed him that I have a degree in Petroleum Chemistry and that I was willing to learn under him. He told me to come to his office on Monday to discuss. He gave me his contact details and said that I should be in by 10am. I was so excited because even though it wasn’t a permanent job, it was a way of getting my foot in the door.

On Monday, I was in his office by 8:30 am just so that I wasn’t late. I waited for him to come in at the reception and at 11:30 he came in and told me to come into his office for a short interview. After a set of nerve racking interview questions, I was given the internship. I began work immediately by typing out his documents, preparing his presentations and ran errands. This was now my routine I reported to work by 8 and performed whatever Alhaji Amin needed.

One day, Alhaji Amin asked me to pick up his daughter Nadia from the Airport. She was coming back from the UK and his drivers were busy because he had an important meeting outside the office and the other driver went to the market with his wife. He gave me her number and I went to airport to wait for her. Her plane landed and she called me to know where I was. When I heard her voice, I got attracted to her immediately and when she came out I was love struck but I managed to compose myself. She was very charming and charismatic. We jisted and laughed on the way back that I didn’t even want the ride to end. I dropped her off and went home thinking about her.

Weeks after, I still couldn’t stop thinking of Nadia. Kai! She was beautiful and funny but I had to respect myself because I wasn’t on her level. Two months later, she came by the office to drop somethings for her dad. I was shocked that she even remembered me. We started jisting and we got along pretty well that she even forgot that she had other errands to run. I learnt that she just she just graduated from university and is starting service soon. Later that night, Nadia called me and we spoke all night long. I was in love.

The next week, Alhaji Amin called me into his office to tell me that there is an opening at the company and I should apply. He said that he’d recommend me because I was hard working. I applied for the position where I wrote an aptitude test and was invited for an interview. I went for the interview and it was scary because it was in front of a panel.

After two weeks, the company reached out to me and informed that I had gotten the job. I was excited.  I called Nadia to tell her the good news and she replied “I’m so happy for you, I told you that my dad usually helps those in need, and I convinced him to recommend you. So, you’re welcome”. I was confused by her statement but I didn’t read too much into it.

After dating Nadia for two years, I decided to ask for her hand in marriage. My dad and I went to ask for hand and both her and her parents agreed to the proposal. I sent the kayan lefe and even though she didn’t say it, I noticed that she wasn’t too happy with its standard. When I asked if she wanted me to change she said “it’s okay”. The wedding plans went into full swing. Unfortunately, my father passed away and it was heartbreaking because I really wanted him to witness my wedding but that was the way God planned it. I had to be man of my family and it was hard. However, because I know that my dad would have wanted it to take place I decided that once my mom finished her iddahn(waiting period) the wedding plans would continue.

The wedding was grand. Anybody that was important attended it. I honestly wondered how my family would cover the cost but Alhaji Amin paid for everything. I told him that he didn’t have to but he said that I shouldn’t worry that I was practically his son anyway. After the Nikah, I thought they were going to bring Nadia to my family house for the budan kai but she was taken to another venue. My family members found at the last minute and it was embarrassing but I took it anyway. Looking back, I should have said something. During the budan kai, it was announced that I was gifted a house and an overseas trip by Nadia’s dad. I was shocked because I felt that was too much because I had all that planned but I couldn’t say no to father in-law.

Our marriage was anything but peaceful. Even though Alhaji Amin took over the cost of a lot of things, I couldn’t help but to feel insulted. I was grateful but I didn’t really need the help I was fine on my own and I could provide for my family without being a charity case. After our honeymoon in Santorini, Nadia’s true colors began to show. She complained about everything and nothing I ever did was good enough.

She demanded a lifestyle that I couldn’t afford. She’d leave the house in a mess that I had to do all the chores around the house. I even cooked for us! I wouldn’t mind doing this if she appreciated my efforts. I got a maid to clean and cook for us but no maid ever stayed long enough because she made them work like dogs. Sometimes, the maids won’t spend 3 weeks because as they complained the work was just too much. She made clean the house 3 times a day and to mop the house with a rag first then they’ll use a regular mop after. When I noticed this trend I tried speaking to her. I told her that the maids were also human beings too but she just replied “what would a poor man like you know about maids”.

Throughout my life I’ve never been insulted like that but thing was I couldn’t do anything to her because I was working under her father and I really needed the job. After that the insults just got worse. One time she asked me five million naira to travel for shopping. I told her that I honestly couldn’t afford that but if she waited a bit longer we could travel in December for a break. I explained to her that she had to consider that she wasn’t the only person under my care. I had to also take care of my mother and siblings too and that it was impromptu but if she waits a little longer I’ll be able to give her that. She replied by saying “how can you not have money? Is not like you pay rent or anything, so what’s the issue”.  I told her “even though I don’t pay rent, I have other bills to settle”. Then she said if can’t help her she’ll help herself.

A week later, while I was at work Nadia sent text saying that she was going to Dubai for a week. I called to her ask why she didn’t tell but the phone was switched off. She had already boarded her flight. I was so angry but I couldn’t do anything because of her father.  A while later, Alhaji Amin called me to his office. I thought it was a work related issue but instead he asked if everything was good with Nadia. I assured him that all is well then he said Nadia called saying that she needed a break because we had a huge fight. I explained that all is well to which he replied “Don’t mind these women okay,  just continue the good work”.

I was confused because I didn’t remember us having any fight. So later that night, I called Nadia to understand the situation and her reason for pulling a stunt like that but she didn’t even dignify me at all; at that point I just let her be. When she came back, we became strangers because I didn’t approve of her behavior at all. We rarely spoke but I made sure to provide for her and the house. On the other hand, I was excelling in my career and I was promoted, so if putting up with Nadia meant success then I have no problem.

Sadly, Nadia got worse. One day, while we were arguing she shoved me but later on she apologized, so I let it go. Unfortunately, my mom had fallen ill so, I decided to bring her and my sister to stay in the house. I wanted them to be close to me but my wife couldn’t understand my point of view. We argued and fought but I insisted that my mom was coming to stay for a while. The day they arrived, Nadia kept on frowning and giving attitude. I told to fix herself up and she replied “they’re your guests not mine”.

My mom and sister stayed there for just one month! Apparently, Nadia wasn’t too kind to them. My sister Safiya was even the one cooking for my mom because my wife did not pay attention them. One day, I got home earlier than usual and to my surprise I heard shouting in the kitchen. I quickly ran there to find my Samira and Nadia arguing. I asked what’s wrong and Samira told me that she was cooking dinner for my mom, when my wife came in and poured the food saying that my sister couldn’t use the her food.

I was shocked to say the least, had the disrespect reached that level? I calmly turned towards Nadia to ask why? But her answer was “they’re using my foodstuff without permission.” I was confused asked “how is it your food?”. Because last remembered I was the one that provided the money for it. To which she said “if my dad didn’t give you that job you wouldn’t have money for it”. I had to set her straight. I told her that I wasn’t starving when her dad met me and I could survive without the job. We argued and to my surprise this girl slapped me! I stood there shell shocked. I didn’t hit back because I wasn’t raised to hit women. So, I just left the room and told my sister to pack both her stuff and my mom’s things because we were leaving. We left the house at 9pm and went back home.

The next day at work, Alhaji Amin called me into his office to talk. He asked “what happened between you and Nadia last night?” According to him Nadia went home crying that I had been maltreating her. She told them that I had been hitting her.

I was shocked I couldn’t believe that Nadia would do this. I told Alhaji Amin everything and he was speechless. He decided that I come over to his house so that issue could be resolved. After Isha prayer, I went to the house. I was in living room with Alhaji Amin when Nadia walked in. Even after everything, I still loved her. She was asked what happened and she stuck to her made up story. I was enraged because she was trying to make me look like an abuser. I told her to tell the truth if not I was going to call my sister as a witness. She finally opened up.

Everyone was shocked and Nadia was ashamed. I was hurt because I was nothing but good to her. I finally told Alhaji that I was done with the marriage and that I had resigned from the job because I couldn’t take it anymore. Alhaji apologized and told me not to take hasty decisions but my mind was made up. I left the house and never looked back. I sometimes still wonder what I did to deserve such treatment.

It’s been three years since the divorce. I still think of Nadia but I’m doing great. I got a new job after 6 months of unemployment I even have someone I’m talking and its going good. I just pray that I get over the experience. I heard that Nadia is married, I guess we were never meant to be.

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