Dear Arewa Ladies,
Today I’ll be sharing some advice with the unmarried sisters. To avoid it ending in tears you should consider three factors before getting into relationships. Even though in the end everything is destined to be, we do our best to be safe rather than sorry. So; CULTURAL DIFFERENCES/FAMILY BACKGROUND, TIMING, and AGE GAP. Even though now that I think about it, the subsequent ones both depend on the first.
You have to be realistic and honest with yourself. What is your culture like? What are the expectations that your family has on you? What class are you from? What sort of life are you used to? What’s the minimum that your parents expect from someone that wants to marry you? When you’re honest with yourself about these questions and ask them about any guy you’re thinking about getting serious with, you save yourself a lot of heartaches.
After asking yourselves the questions in the previous paragraph and you’re not holding any unrealistic notion that you can change your Baba’s mind. You pray about it and you go ahead. As a cautionary tale, I’ll use my story. My girlfriend who I believed I was going to marry. Lack of love or understanding was not what broke our relationship. The factors I mentioned were what did. She came from a family that expected her to be married immediately out of university. But I was still a student then, and she was a few months older than me so how was I going to feed her? How was I going to afford the wedding? (And her culture IS known for throwing extravagant weddings) Let’s not even go that far, how was I going to afford the lefe? WHO was even going to believe that I could do any of that in the foreseeable future?
To cut the story short, things crashed and burnt to the ground leaving us in tears. But change any of the factors in the equation and the outcome could have been different. If her family had been more lenient towards the age at which she gets married, she could’ve waited for me. If we had met at a different time if I had been older. The what-ifs were limitless and they plagued me. It took me quite a while to get over what happened. But, c’est la vie. We move.
And as unromantic as I’m sure all this sounds to you, it is the truth. Believe me, I’m talking from experience, I learned this the hard way. Tell yourself the truth now, we are not white people. We are Arewa people.
Your now sensible Arewa brother.